• Ateeya Manzoor

This can’t be it? Can it?

This can’t be it. Is this all life has to offer?

If you feel this way, please be assured that you are not alone. Particularly in these uncertain times, there is a widespread epidemic of frustrating, restlessness, distress and more.

As a society we are conditioned to “treat” larger issues — unhealthy and dysfunctional relationships, divorce, childcare, familial and religious conflict, addictions, the opioid pandemic with “things” to make them go away. You’ll find top 10 lists online and 30 minutes videos telling you how you can starting #livingyourbestlife.

So why doesn’t this all stick?

Why are we in a time in history where mental health and well being are compromised more now than ever?

I often find clients reaching out because their marriage is falling apart, children are rebelling or they can’t figure out why they keep attracting narcissists, only to realise that these are actually symptoms of something under the surface. What’s hiding in one’s underbelly needs to be dealt with for once and for all so it is no longer running the show.

So what’s typically hiding in the underbelly? The answer may or may not surprise you: it’s trauma.

Trauma occurs when a distressing life occurrence or incident impairs the mind. It is the result of an overwhelming amount of stress that exceeds one’s ability to cope, or integrate the emotions involved with that experience. Too often trauma is associated with a major event — abuse, violence, neglect, etc. What’s not as well understood is that ANY incident or occurrence can be traumatic — a break up, mom saying no, a critical teacher, a bullying boss, an emotionally unavailable father.

Trauma can be triggered at any time, without warning. Triggers, when one is aware, can be managed. Unmanaged triggers often result in destructive or self harming behaviour such as making excuses for an abuser, checking out, using food, alcohol, drugs or work to mask the discomfort.

Trauma can shape one’s intimate relationships, work, and how one relates to the world. Too often trauma is something your rational brain may have “dealt” with or buried, but your subconscious is desperate to heal. If you find yourself repeating patterns and not understanding why, this may be in indication that you have unhealed trauma.

Understanding and confronting trauma does not make it go away. What it does is help you gain control of the narrative of your life and empower you to make better decisions and manage your relationships.

I have spent nearly 25 years seeking solutions focused on traumas, childhood neglect and sexual abuse. My work has ranged from studying Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), creating Dialect Behavioural Therapy (DBT) informed programs, teaching mindfulness-based techniques, a sexual abuse focused program to assist survivors in managing PTSD, to working with a shaman in the depths of the Amazon to understand how a greater understanding of one’s spirit can be incredibly healing and impactful. I have many years of experience with cases of bipolar, complex post traumatic stress (C-PTSD), and borderline personality disorder.

Suffering is optional. This work is not for the faint of heart. If you feel trapped in a life or relationships that do not serve your highest good or potential, contact me and let’s get cracking.

© 2021 Cognōscō Noor Ltd.